I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize