Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
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It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
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Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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