Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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