Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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