I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
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No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
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I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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