1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
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I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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