haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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