Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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