if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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