You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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