and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
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She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
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there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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