I wish my penis had an off switch
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize