Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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