Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
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Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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