she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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