I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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