Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
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I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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