Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize