I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
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She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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