pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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