im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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