I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize