Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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