good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
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