I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
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It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
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I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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