apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
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I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
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It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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