I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize