The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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