apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
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I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
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Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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