the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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