I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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