I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize