Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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