I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
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This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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