if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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