oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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