And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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