How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize