i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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