it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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