That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
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We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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