Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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