New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
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I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
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THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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