Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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