somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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