He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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