I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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