So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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