I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
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so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
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Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I did not marry a roomba.
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