just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
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I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
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On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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